My dear fellow wife,
I know you’ve been thrown a curve ball.
I know your heart is hurting.
It’s hurting because your husband’s heart is hurting. Your sweet rock has been cracked. He has been kicked, bruised, torn down. He has been rejected. He is suffering loss.
I know how your eyes cry for him.
I know because my man can claim “all of the above.”
You have spent your time thus far leaning on him during sorrow, and he has held you well. Now here you are. You have to step into his shoes. You don’t quite know how.
You don’t know how because he may seem to be shutting you out. He doesn’t want to crack. He might do everything to “stand strong” under the pressures and pains of this world. He will build walls and shut you out, not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he doesn’t want you to endure the cold nature of the room in which he is living.
All the while you long to join him.
You would like nothing more than to join him in the cold room. To rely on body heat rather than sit alone by the fire.
Start by telling him that.
Start by reminding him that he has entrusted you to be his encourager. He has entrusted you to be his warmth. But do not neglect to remind him that your own body heat won’t do. Remind him that that design is not how God intended your life to look post those covenantal vows.
But don’t stop there, my beloved fellow wife.
Don’t forget that it’s a chord of three strands that is not easily broken.
You. Him. Abba.
Beloved, our words may be sweet, but they are not breathed out by God (2 Timothy 3:16).
Our touch may be kind, but it is not healing (Luke 8:48-56).
Our wisdom may be good, but it is not sovereign (Romans 11:36).
Do not try to fix him with your bandaids of smart words or even duct tape of grief books. Get in and get your hands dirty.
Oh my sister, stop only relying on your Savior only to hold your relationship. Invite Him into your relationship. Stop telling each other what God’s word has said, and start digging into its truths at dinner. Stop giving Biblical advice, and start reciting its wisdom as you spit out your toothpaste each morning. Stop discussing your prayer requests, and spend hours before bed hand-in-hand knees-to-floor.
Until the third strand is braided and branded into the cord, your husband will remain broken. Men, same goes for your wife.
So get up, and fall down.
Fall down before your God not only for but with your husband.
Arise in the wee hours of the morning and dance to worship music.
Encourage him that he was not built to be the strong one in this relationship, because sister, the strong one showed his power on a rugged cross and poured it out in an empty grave.
Stop trying to make his life easier and embrace his challenge as something only our Jesus can handle.
You were not given to him that his heart might be repaired, you were given to him that his heart might be pointed to the Healer, the Cornerstone of life, the Strand that binds you.
My dear fellow wife,
You were not expecting this.
You have been thrown a curve ball.
Your husband has been thrown a curveball.
Your Father has not.
Through our hurt, He will heal.
Through our weakness, His power will be made perfect.
Through our rejection, He will be accepted.
Through our bruised knees, our raised hands, and our quivering prayers, he will press our marriages together.
So stop trying to fix his pain. Join him in healing.
Because you, my sister, my fellow wife, His beloved, you cannot overcome this earth’s snares and toils. Our Jesus already has.
Trust Him. Cling to Him. Live by Him. Together.